Some closing thoughts on NFL

For the record, I can't stand football. I'm glad the season is over. My family spent the day at the zoo yesterday, and outside digging in the mud, and at the only restaurant in town not broadcasting the game. I allow myself a little cultural vanity in that I rarely know what teams are meeting in the Super Bowl. (I knew this year. Too many NFL goons around me to not know)

My complaints about football are boring and unoriginal (too much time spent watching for too little action; sport dominated by overweight, over-juiced prima donnas; season is too short, both in calendar length and in number of games played; the game is over-commercialized; rules are often ridiculous and penalties excessive, even counter-productive).

But my defense of the sport may surprise you. To wit, NFL football...

1. ...Has the most interesting scoring system of any major sport. It is possible to score 3 or 6 points in normal offensive play, 1 or 2 points after a touchdown, and 2 points in normal defensive play. Scores therefore follow bizarre patterns and tell narratives that you do not see in other sports. Example: once in high school our team beat the strongest team in the league 2-0. The headline wrote itself: dueling defensive lines. Yesterday's score of 29-17 tells of rain, turnovers, and broken plays. You hardly need to have seen the game to know that much.

2. ...Is agonizingly incremental. A good prizefight can end with a single punch, but a good football game can spend an excruciating amount of time around midfield. Ground gained is precious, and erased with a single mistake. Comparisons to infantry combat are not unfair.

3. ...Given the above, and given the sad state of network broadcasting, is one of the most intellectual exercises on television. Fans give no quarter to home teams for its choice of plays, following the quarterback and offensive coordinator doggedly through a calculus of yards left for first down, points for and against, injuries for and against, division rankings, status of other division games, and time left on the clock. This chance for critical thinking is missing in all other television broadcasting, and most other sports.

4. ...Quite graceful. Enough said?